Update for Madam Smith

Dear Madam Smith;

Just wanted you to know that I met Russell Luvmussel and the crusty motel like you asked. However, I do expect extra payment for that! I didn’t know what Geisha meant, so I rented a movie to teach me…”memoirs of a geisha”. It was boring and I fell asleep. Luckily, I owned a Kimono, some other weirdo with a fetish. So I hoochied up my kimono and headed out the door. First stop was the liquor store where everyone kept looking at me funny because my make-up made me look really pale and my lipstick was really red. But oh well, a bottle of tequila it was….oh how I love the agave plant!!! So then it was off to get the other girl. You said bring a low class girl so I brought white trash, even better right? I knew who would be perfect for the mission. She’s totally easy and always drunk so who’d be better than my friend Belinda. She was so loaded when I picked her up, I’m not sure she will even remember her little outing, so I am not going to give her a cut of the money.

So we arrived at the crusty motel around 10 pm. First off, Belinda didn’t seem bothered by the flea bag motel but I was….a little higher class next time would be nice. So we proceeded up to the room. The window curtains were open and both of the men were lying on the bed (together, kind of spooning). We knocked and they opened the door and we immediately opened the bottle of booze. We sat around shootin the shit for a while, I was trying my hardest to get as hammered as possible. I usually don’t mix my two professions.

I think Russell Luvmussel was a little bored, he kept talking on that damn cell phone. Even though the phone was up to his ear, he had it on speaker phone too. What a moron. We could hear his entire conversation….nothing all that interesting….just something about his favorite movie with 2 cowboys, who go camping on a mountain a lot. I’m not sure what happened to Belinda and that other guy, but I left her there. Hope she’s safe. Any who…..once the alcohol kicked in I was ready to get the show on the road. So I tried and tried and tried but he just didn’t seem interested. I sang the song from the Jefferson’s over and over and over again, just like you said. I even had to resort to the theme song of the Brady Bunch, which by the way was one of my favorite shows, so I know I sang it good!! I’m not sure what was wrong with him; maybe he’s overwhelmed with the audit??? Or the rumors around the hospital are true, despite what buckethead says. He seemed more interested in the theme songs than anything else. So if at all possible I would like to be reimbursed 90% verses the usual 65%. I know you take a loss and buckethead's job is still on the line, but it really was a waste of my precious table dancing time. Maybe you can call Devon to go over there and entertain, that might work. I don’t know how to get a hold of him, but I hear he’s in G wing a lot. Let me know if you will do this for me and when you get some more clients.

Thanks,

Lola J

I'm Baaaaaaacccckkkkk

Sorry I haven’t informed any of you how work or life in general has been going….I haven’t been here. I called in sick for two whole weeks; I was mainly hung over and lazy. Partying all night long takes its toll on me. I think my boss is a little mad, but who cares make way more money table dancing and I have way more fun so I really don’t care about coming to my “real” job, I only work here as a decoy so my friends and family don’t suspect I’m hookin again.

So being back at “work” totally sucks!!! I wish I was still at home “sick”. Days of our lives is getting so good, I tivo’d it so I don’t miss out on any of the drama. Shawn is making harassing phone calls to people, and Sami saved Lucas’ life again!! I can’t ask for anymore entertainment than that show. I have to find my own forms of entertainment in this hell hole I call work, so I play tons of jokes on people. I like to prank call all of the ladies in my old office, it’s really funny when they get mad and yell. I sometimes call the very old operator lady (Ms. Peggy) from my cell phone and ask her to overhead page Al coholic, and Luda Cris. She cracks me up. I’m still black balled from my old office so for revenge I go #2 in their bathroom on a daily basis and forget to flush and sometimes spray. I hang around the hallway afterwards so I can hear their reaction. Ha ha, they shouldn’t have banned me, I really wasn’t that bad.

I still have to work around these lunatics in this hallway. If I see that gross ladies teeth fall out I’m going to vomit on myself.

Speaking of lunatics, there is this gay guy here at work, I think is name is Russell luvmussel or something like that. Buckethead said he's supercool for a gay guy, but he is seriously stalking me. What do you want? It can’t be a crush, he’s a homosexual. But every time I turn around he’s standing in my doorway asking ridiculous questions about billing. Seriously, do you care? Or even understand what I’m saying to you? He just stands there dumbfounded in his flamin pink shirt!!! Maybe he wants to borrow my purse or my shoes? What a weirdo, he should totally get a life and leave me alone.